Abe Lincoln's Coocyx For Sale

Following the dumbest war in our history, spiraling debt, and the desire to peddle fear for political purposes, our Republican leadership has so fully disgraced the legacy of “our” Abe, that we should complete the rape, unearth the tall one and EBAY his clavicle, toe bone, rib tips, everything--at least we can call upon him once more to help reduce our national debt. For if a Lincoln letter can fetch one hundred grand, just think what we could get for his femur.

Too many fat elephants have been so seduced by profits, pensions and the seedy politics of winning at all costs, that they have forgotten about you, the people.

So a national GOP pilgrimage is in order--no not to that “Abe Lincoln West World” museum, where local legend says Lincoln once peed, but the hallowed ground of his actual tomb.

A grand tour is required to not only rub the brass nose of sad Abe, but to wander inside the dark, dank tomb and reflect upon A. Lincoln’s call for union “…with malice toward none, with charity for all”.

So let it be written, that all Republicans—including all 2008 GOP Presidential candidates--shall travel to the final resting place of Pa Pa Lincoln, the father of our party.

Once there, pledge to stop acting like self absorbed fools and begin to rebuild our party according to his ideals. For if we don’t start acting like Lincoln--Americans first, Republicans second—-we should dig him out, cut him up and hawk his 206 remaining bits to the highest bidders.

At least then, he would respect us for our honesty.