Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Rod Blagojevich Facts

Atleast three people had fun with my last post, and they made such a great effort, I wanted to recognize their contribution to the humanity that is Illinois politics.

For those of you not familiar with Rod Blagojevich Facts (a snarky celebration of our Governor's leadership ego), see my early post, visit it's inspiration, Chuck Norris Facts dot com, or simply read:

When Rod Blagojevich tells the truth, an angel gets his wings. Unfortunately, Rod Blagojevich is incapable of telling the truth.

I reviewed submissions based on a two-part test. First, form. The proper form of a Rod Blagojevich Fact is neither as strict nor as complicated as Rod Haiku, something I can't quite figure out, but it still seems to escape some people. So those got tossed. Sorry.

Secondly, I employed what I call the "milk test." Someone once said something so funny at the cafeteria table in elementary school that a classmate of mine laughed the milk he was drinking out of his nose. That was almost 30 years ago and I remember it like it just happened, so I think its safe to say at this point that I'm scarred for life. Anything that I would have trepidation about reading while drinking milk must be pretty darn funny.

So, here's my A-List from submissions so far:

People didn't vote for Rod because he is a Democrat. They voted for Democrats because of Rod.

When Rod Blagojevich jumps in the water, Rod Blagojevich doesn't get wet. Water gets dishonest and incompetent.

Comparisons between Rod Blagojevich and Elvis Presley are designed to enrage the living but reclusive King into exposing himself to the world.

Rod Blagojevich is the one subject on which Illinois' crackpot, pseudonymous lefty bloggers can agree.

Rod Blagojevich is the karmic price Illinois Democrats must pay for Barack Obama.

Contrary to popular myth, Rod Blagojevich doesn't use a brush to style his hair. Rod Blagojevich repeats his talking points until his hairs fall into line.

The First Commandment, "I am the Lord thy Rod," was misprinted due to a clerical error. Rod Blagojevich has put Heaven on notice that he will hold them in special session until they fix it.

The Capitol Building does not have a dome. It is actually the Hair.

When Rod rubs a balloon in the Hair, the balloon does not become charged with static electricity. The balloon becomes charged with an electro-magnetic pulse.

The Hair does not get bed head. The bed gets Hair head.

Rod does not actually fly a plane to Springfield everyday. The Hair brings him there.

Michael Madigan is a rogue grey Hair. The rest of the Hair is not pleased.

And a new one of my own, added to bridge the Blagojevich/Hair divide:

Rod Blagojevich doesn't have hair. The Hair has a lofty view and plenty of fresh fertilizer.

Comment on these or add your own. But remember folks, anybody can be mean, form makes it art.


Anonymous,  2:55 PM  

Rod Blagojevich doesn't care what people think of him. He thinks he cares for the people.

Anonymous,  9:51 AM  

That's funny stuff, man. You should take your act on the road. Say, it's pretty easy to poke fun at someone from behind a made-up handle; what's your real name, Mr. Dog? I'm serious, you're talented.

Anonymous,  9:33 PM  

These Chuck Norris jokes aren't stale, unoriginal and a few years past the time when Chuck Norris jokes were funny, a few years ago was funny too early...or something.

Seriously, what's next, you put on a leather motorcycle jacket and tell dirty nursury rhymes?

  © Blogger template The Professional Template by 2008

Back to TOP