Tuesday, July 10, 2007

REAL Testicular Virility

When I came across this website, www.ChuckNorrisFacts.com, its snarky, pithy description of Chuck Norris's machismo made me think immediately of Gov. Blagojevich's efforts to project his machismo throughout the budget process. And laugh my head off.

My favorite Chuck Norris "facts":

1. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
2. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
3. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
4. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
5. When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's favorite Chuck Norris "fact":

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


What's your favorite Rod Blagojevich "fact"?


Anonymous,  7:33 AM  

No one dares to question Rod, they will be blinded by his snarky smile or given the headbutt of death with his helmet hair.

Anonymous,  7:50 AM  

The truth never gets in the way of a campaign.

Anonymous,  7:56 AM  

the "Jail House Rock" is getting closer by the day.

Anonymous,  8:38 AM  

1. Those federal subpoenas will do him in.
2. Plus he's a a compulsive liar.

Skeeter 8:40 AM  

In the spirit of the original post:

People didn't vote for Rod because he is a Democrat. They voted for Democrats because of Rod.

Anonymous,  8:41 AM  

He was and still is an egomaniac!

So-Called Austin Mayor 8:47 AM  

When Rod Blagojevich jumps in the water, Rod Blagojevich doesn't get wet. Water gets dishonest and incompetent.

After the sun goes down in Springfield, you are more likely to see bizarro-Chuck Norris fighting the ghost of Abraham Lincoln than you are to see Rod Blagojevich.

When Rod Blagojevich tells the truth, an angel gets his wings. Unfortunately, Rod Blagojevich is incapable of telling the truth.

Rod Blagojevich's promising amateur boxing career came to a tragic end when fight officials were unable to find headgear that would fit over Rod Blagojevich's hair.

For the duration of Rod Blagojevich's State of the State speaches, Paul Vallas becomes the SEXIEST man in America.

When Rod Blagojevich first referred to Testicular Virility, he thought the phrase meant scoring well on exams.

Comparisons between Rod Blagojevich and Elvis Presley are designed to enrage the living but reclusive King into exposing himself to the world.

By flying back to Chicago every night, Rod Blagojevich covertly increases the average I.Q. of the law makers remaining in Springfield.

Rod Blagojevich is the one subject on which Illinois' crackpot, pseudonymous lefty bloggers can agree.

Rod Blagojevich is the clandestine agent of a secret cabal of revolutionaries who hope to use the confluence of 1) Rod Blagojeich's failed governorship and 2) a Constitutional Convention to bring a Parliamentary form of government to Illinois.

Rod Blagojevich is the karmic price Illinois Democrats must pay for Barack Obama.



Yellow Dog,
Best. Illinoize. Post. EVAR.


Rich Miller 10:14 AM  


Best. Illinoize. Comment. Ever.

Yellow Dog Democrat 11:14 AM  

Pretty darn good SCAM.

How about these:

Contrary to popular myth, Rod Blagojevich doesn't use a brush to style his hair. Rod Blagojevich repeats his talking points until his hairs fall into line.

The First Commandment, "I am the Lord thy Rod," was misprinted due to a clerical error. Rod Blagojevich has put Heaven on notice that he will hold them in special session until they fix it.

Anonymous,  12:18 PM  

The Hair does not get styled, the Hair styles the Rod.

The Hair never gets cut. The Hair just adjusts to the appropriate length.

On the asian market, the Hair is worth $1,000 a strand.

The Capitol Building does not have a dome. It is actually the Hair.

When Rod rubs a balloon in the Hair, the balloon does not become charged with static electricty. The balloon becomes charged with an electro-magnetic pulse.

The Hair does not get bed head. The bed gets Hair head.

Yellow Dog Democrat 12:21 PM  

Hair head. Hairlarious.

Anonymous,  3:38 PM  

Rod is currently busy at work on his autobiography recounting his years of alliance with the Senate Democrats, as well as his endless trials and tribulations with House Democrats and the Republican party. The title of the book is tentatively named "All The King's Men Take On Darby O'Gill and the Little People."

Rod didn't fail constitutional law. Constitutional law failed Rod.

Elvis didn't die. His soul was merely reborn in the physical body of Rod, no longer to serve as a rock n' roll legend, but to serve God's will to make health care free and accessible for all. It just so happens he is still obsessed with the man he once was.

Anonymous,  5:07 PM  

I got a few more.

Rod does not spend $5800 a day on airfare. He spends it on product for the Hair.

Rod does not actually fly a plane to Springfield everyday. The Hair brings him there.

Michael Madigan is a rogue grey Hair. The rest of the Hair is not pleased.

Some people wear Chuck Norris T-Shirts. Chuck Norris wears "The Hair" T-shirts.

There is no gross receipts tax proposal. There is a gross hair tax proposal. Only Rod is exempt. Because he has the Hair, which is, by definition, not gross.

The Hair has killed 3 dozen barbers. You do not cut the Hair.

You think the Hair on the head is impressive...you should see the Hair down below. (Ok, so that may be pushing things, but the post is titled "Real Testicular Virility")

This is fun...

Yellow Dog Democrat 6:21 PM  

Jerry and overtimer, you rock.

I hate to think what would happen in a match-up between The Hair and Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick.

Levois 7:48 PM  

Walker Texas Ranger is the man!!!

Anonymous,  1:37 AM  

When Rod Blagojevich was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he taxed the store's gross receipts so hard they moved to another state. (It's OK, though, the relocation was really Madagin's fault.)

There is in fact an “I” in Blagojevich, but there is no “leadership”… not even close.

70% of a normal human's weight is water. 70% of Rod Blagojevich's weight is his hair; the remainder is split between ego: 29%, and then everything else.

Anonymous,  6:39 PM  

Blago had no choice to create Universal Health Care after Chuck Norris briefly stopped at O'Hare and roundhoused almost half the state into a coma.

Blago has so much testicular virility that no one knows what is being referenced when someone says, "Big Rod"

Lightning Rods used to be called Lightning sticks. They were renamed after Blago's Hair was hit by lightning 10 times during an outdoor press conference. The Hair never moved.

Anonymous,  8:53 PM  

Have you guys seen "Testicular Virility Man" yet? It's hysterical!


  © Blogger template The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP